Writing an Obituary That Truly Honors a Life
An obituary is one of the most personal documents you will ever write. It serves as a public announcement of a death, yes — but more importantly, it is a snapshot of a life. A well-crafted obituary tells a story, captures a personality, and gives those who loved the deceased a way to remember them clearly and warmly.
Writing one during grief is hard. This guide is here to make it easier.
What to Include in an Obituary
Most obituaries cover a set of core elements. Think of these as your building blocks:
- Full name — including nicknames the person was known by
- Date and place of birth
- Date and place of passing
- Surviving family members — spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings
- Predeceased loved ones — those who passed before them
- Career and accomplishments
- Passions, hobbies, and personality traits
- Faith, community involvement, or military service (if applicable)
- Service information — funeral or memorial details
- Memorial donation requests (optional)
Step 1: Gather the Facts First
Before you write a single sentence, collect the facts. Reach out to family members for birth dates, full names of survivors, and any career milestones. Having accurate information prevents painful corrections later and ensures the obituary stands as a reliable record.
Step 2: Find the Heart of the Story
Every person has something that made them uniquely them. Was it a lifelong dedication to their garden? A dry sense of humor? An unwavering faith? A career built on service to others? Identify two or three qualities or stories that best capture who this person was — and let those details anchor your writing.
Step 3: Write the Opening with Care
The opening line sets the tone. Avoid the overly clinical ("John Smith, 74, passed away on...") if you want something warmer. Consider leading with what made them memorable:
"Margaret loved her rose garden the way some people love religion — with devotion, patience, and complete faith that beauty was always possible."
You can always follow with the factual details after the opening statement.
Step 4: Tell a Brief Story
A good obituary reads like a very short biography. Move chronologically if it helps — childhood, education, career, family life, later years. Weave in specific details rather than generic praise. Instead of "she was a wonderful mother," try "she attended every school play, remembered every friend's name, and always had cookies ready when you walked through the door."
Step 5: Honor Relationships
List surviving family members respectfully and accurately. If the person had a wide circle of chosen family — close friends, mentors, community members — consider acknowledging them too. Grief is not limited to bloodlines.
Step 6: Close with Meaning
End with something that feels like the person. A favorite quote, a reflection on their legacy, or a simple but heartfelt sentence about how they will be remembered. The closing is what readers carry with them.
Practical Tips
- Aim for 200–500 words for most newspaper or online obituaries.
- Have at least one other family member review it before publishing.
- Check publication deadlines — newspapers often need submissions 24–48 hours in advance.
- Keep a copy for your family records; it is a historical document.
You Don't Have to Be a Writer
The most meaningful obituaries are not always the most polished ones. Honest, specific, and loving words will always resonate more than formal, generic phrases. Write from what you knew about this person. That is more than enough.